Dating App Scams: 10 Red Flags Before They Ask for Money

A dating app is a reasonable place to look for love. It is also, for organised fraud groups, something close to a directory of people who have said they are open to a relationship. Many romance scams now begin with a match, a friendly chat and a profile that looks almost perfect.

This guide explains how dating app scams usually unfold, why careful and intelligent people get caught, how faith and age are used against people, and what you can check before any money moves. It describes patterns, not people: a pattern is a reason to slow down, not proof that the person you’re talking to is a fraudster.

Dating app scams: how big is the problem?

In an AARP survey of adults aged 50 and over published in February 2026, nearly one in ten had experienced an online romantic approach that led to a request for money or encouragement to invest in crypto. Where those approaches began, 63% said dating apps, 42% social media and 21% messaging apps. More than half of these incidents (55%) were never reported.

The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center recorded $929 million in reported romance scam losses in 2025, while Americans aged 60 and over reported $7.7 billion in losses across all internet crime. In the UK, the City of London Police received 10,784 romance scam reports in 2025, up 29%, with losses of £102 million; almost half of those losses came from people aged 55 to 74.

South Africa is not only a target but also a base. A March 2026 IOL report on research by the Global Initiative Against Transnational Organized Crime describes South Africa as a hub for romance-scam syndicates operating from Johannesburg and Cape Town. Cases cited include a Johannesburg woman who lost R500,000 to a man she met on Tinder, a Pretoria teacher who lost R2.4 million, and the arrest of three suspects accused of defrauding a woman in her seventies of R14 million.

How a dating app scam usually unfolds

1. The match. The profile is attractive but not too perfect. Common personas include a soldier or contractor deployed overseas, an engineer on a project abroad, a widowed parent, or a successful professional. A Better Business Bureau study noted that profiles commonly claim a strong religious faith, because it signals good values.
2. The move off the app. Within days, sometimes hours, they suggest WhatsApp, Telegram or another channel. Reports of US Federal Trade Commission data describe this shift from apps and social media to private messaging as a standard step. Off the app, its safety team, reporting tools and scam detection no longer apply.
3. The intensity. Daily good-morning messages, long conversations, early talk of a future together. It feels like attention you’ve been missing, and that is the point.
4. The obstacles. Video calls keep failing. Meetings are planned and cancelled. There is always a reason: poor signal on the rig, military rules, a sick child.
5. The money moment. A crisis, a fee or an opportunity: customs charges to release a parcel, medical bills, a frozen bank account, a ticket to come and visit, or an “investment” they have done well from.
6. The escalation. Small amounts become larger ones. Some people are asked to receive and pass on money, which can make them an unknowing money mule.

Why careful people get caught

Scammers don’t succeed because their targets are foolish. They succeed because the relationship feels real, and these operations are run like businesses, with scripts and shifts. Research presented at USENIX Security 2026, “Love, Lies, and Language Models”, found that an AI-driven chat agent earned more trust from study participants than human operators did, and got far more people to comply with a request (46% against 18%). The same study found that popular commercial safety filters flagged none of the scam conversations tested. Wording alone is becoming a weak warning sign.

AARP’s survey also points to stigma: 60% of adults over 50 assumed romance scam victims were naive or too trusting. That belief is exactly what keeps people quiet and keeps the money flowing.

What we’ve seen first-hand

AdUncovered grew partly out of personal experience. We have been targeted ourselves, and we know several people who were caught in these schemes. Details below are kept general so that nobody can be identified, but the patterns are real.

The approach

It started on Facebook and on dating apps. For about a week the attention is almost overwhelming, and then the push to move off the app begins. Some take the opposite route and insist on staying in the app “because it’s safer for you”. That reverse psychology makes them look trustworthy, and the move to WhatsApp simply comes later.

The profiles were usually of someone from a country close to the target’s own, but working away on a project. Their interests, job and values blended with the target’s. Everything looked great, and the story even matched what could be found online. A story that checks out is not proof on its own.

How one was caught in the act

• Remember everything, then test it. Ask about the same detail on different days and from different angles. Real people give consistent answers without effort.
• Watch for a change of operator. Some profiles are run by a group working in shifts. A new person on the chat won’t remember what was said before, and the writing style changes. Anything inconsistent is a red flag.
• Reverse image search the photos. It doesn’t catch everything, but it helps.
• Expect hostility when you confront them. That is when the sparks fly.
• Report the profile immediately. In our experience the dating apps acted promptly. Facebook was slower to remove profiles.

How it cost one woman everything

A divorced woman we know, lonely and hoping for love, met a man who presented himself as a Christian widower with a sad story of loss. He sent her scriptures to read, prayed with her and told her he had prayed about it and knew she was the one. He said “I love you” very early. At times he did the reverse, saying he wasn’t sure she was the one, and the fear of losing him made each next step easier.

The requests started small: money for airtime because he was stuck at an airport. Over almost a year they grew until she had sold everything she owned and handed the proceeds to him. Everyone around her warned her, but she believed he was the love of her life. Even after losing everything, she still believed it.

When that approach finally stopped working, a second man appeared, again sounding too good to be true. People who have already lost money are often targeted again, as our recovery scams guide explains. She was too ashamed to report what had happened. “Recovery” offers followed, and because she checked them with people she trusted first, she didn’t lose more money. The scammers were never caught.

The lesson we took from it: shame is the scammer’s last line of defence. The sooner someone can talk about it without being judged, the sooner the losses stop.

When faith is used as a credential

For many believers, shared faith is a shortcut to trust: someone who prays, quotes scripture and talks about God’s plan seems safe. Fraudsters know this. Exploiting trust inside a community has a name, affinity fraud, and the US Securities and Exchange Commission’s investor education site lists religious communities among the groups most often targeted. In romance scams, faith language can be used to make a request feel like a calling rather than a transaction.

The Pretoria case in the GI-TOC research involved a so-called “prayer room” in which cloned voices, presented as ancestors, gave financial instructions. The details differ between faiths and cultures, but the mechanism is the same: spiritual authority is borrowed to override your own judgement.

Signs worth a second look:

• Money is framed as a test of faith, a blessing in return, or part of God’s plan for the two of you.
• You’re asked to keep the relationship or the payments secret from your pastor, church, family or friends.
• Scripture or prayer arrives most often when a request is being made or questioned.
• Their faith seems to mirror yours exactly, yet they can’t take part in anything in person, such as a service, a meeting or a call with someone from your church.

Shared faith is a good thing in a relationship. It just can’t replace verification.

Older people are targeted, not gullible

Older adults may have savings, paid-off homes, pensions or more time alone after a divorce or bereavement, and scammers deliberately look for people who are lonely or recently bereaved. Interestingly, AARP found that people aged 50 to 64 faced romance money requests at more than twice the rate of those aged 65 and over, so this isn’t only a concern for the very old. Victims are often professional, careful people. What they share is a trusting relationship that someone has worked hard to create.

Why the app’s own safety features only go so far

Dating platforms are adding protection. Tinder’s Face Check, a short video selfie matched against profile photos, reduced exposure to potentially deceptive profiles by more than 60%, according to Match Group. Badges like this help while you’re on the app. Once the conversation moves to WhatsApp or Telegram, they offer no protection, which is one reason scammers push to move so quickly.

Legitimate platforms are still used. A South African investigation firm, Specialised Security Services, has described a case on a local dating site in which a client lost about R2 million over six months, involving stolen photos, false identities and accomplices posing as friends and neighbours.

10 red flags before the money request

1. They want to move off the app almost immediately.
2. Video calls never quite work, or the video is always dark, frozen or very short.
3. Their job keeps them abroad or out of contact: military, offshore, engineering contracts, aid work.
4. Declarations of love come very early, often within days.
5. Their story changes in small ways: age, home town, children’s names, where they studied.
6. Photos look professional, or appear elsewhere online under a different name.
7. They talk about an investment platform, a crypto app or a trading “mentor”.
8. A crisis appears that only your money can solve, usually urgently.
9. They ask you to keep things private, or to receive and forward money for them.
10. They become hurt, angry or spiritual when you hesitate or ask questions, or suddenly say they’re no longer sure about you.

Checks you can do before you send anything

• Reverse image search their photos with Google Lens or TinEye. A match under a different name is significant. No match is common and proves very little, because many photos aren’t indexed.
• Ask for a live video call and ask them to do something simple on camera, such as wave or say your name. AI video is improving, so this lowers risk rather than removing it.
• Check any website or platform they ask you to use. If they send you to a trading or investment platform, an online shop or a payment page, a Free Quick Check can screen that link for common warning signs and show where each result came from. It does not check the person, their dating or Facebook profile, or your conversation, and a result that flags nothing doesn’t mean the site or the person is genuine. For investments in South Africa, also check whether the provider is authorised by the FSCA.
• Test their story for consistency. Ask about the same details on different days and in different ways. Changing answers or a sudden change in writing style can mean more than one person is behind the profile.
• Talk to someone you trust before money moves: a friend, family member, pastor or your bank. Saying the story out loud often reveals the gaps.
• Never send money to someone you haven’t met in person, and never receive or pass on money for them.

When the money request involves a business, seller or platform, an AdUncovered Quick Report or Comprehensive Report can research the public information behind that business or offer and give you source-linked Search Results, without a verdict. These reports look at commercial offers and the businesses behind them. They can’t confirm who someone on a dating app or social media really is.

If you’re worried about someone you love

People inside a romance scam often defend the relationship, and confrontation can push them closer to the scammer. Ask questions rather than making accusations: “Have you been able to video call?” “Has the plan to meet happened yet?” “What would happen if you waited a week before sending money?” Offer to look at the evidence together, and make it clear they won’t be judged. If money has already been sent, help them contact their bank quickly.

If you’ve already sent money

• Contact your bank’s fraud line immediately, using the number on your card or in the official app.
• Stop sending money, even if you’re told one more payment will release everything.
• Report the profile to the dating app, and keep screenshots of the profile, messages, payment details and any websites.
• In South Africa, open a case at your nearest SAPS station or report it to Crime Stop on 08600 10111. If you shared ID documents, consider free SAFPS Protective Registration.
• Be very wary of “recovery” offers. Recovery scams target people who have just lost money.

For more on how these relationships are built, read our romance scams guide, and see fake investment and trading app scams for what happens when romance turns into an “investment” pitch. Our step-by-step guide covers what to do straight after a scam.

This article provides general scam-awareness information, not legal, financial or relationship advice. Sources are linked beside the claims they support and were checked in October 2026. Case details come from published reports and have not been independently verified by AdUncovered. Describing a pattern is not an accusation against any individual.